My long over due update!

I don't even know where to start...
I think I kind of put the whole blog on hold because I have been in some what of denial that this is all real. Then I stop and think about how fast things are moving and it's scary and exciting at the same time.
Well, I'll start our first OB appt...
It was on February 5th @ 10w1d. We were so excited for this appointment. I kind of expected that we wouldn't be getting an ultrasound but I was expecting to listen to the heart beats at the very least. Well what a disappointment the entire appointment was. The nurse practioner saw us. She took my weight and blood pressure. She then talked to us for about 10-15 minutes in the exam room. I thought we'd at least sit down in the office and have a nice conversation. I thought we'd get a packet with information or something but we left empty handed. The second she left the room, I cried. And I cried, and I cried. I contacted my old OB and made an appointment with her because I never wanted to go back to this dr again. I later ended up cancelling the appointment with my old OB because although I wasn't happy with my first OB appointment, they deliver at the hospital with the best NICU in the area, God forbid, if we need it. My appointments from there on out have gotten better because I have requested not to see that nurse practioner again.
We announced our pregnancy to Facebook world on Valentine's Day. Here's our announcement...

We were sent to the hospital on 2/19 for our NT scan. Both babies looked beautiful.
We left for a Disney cruise the next day out of Miami and we had a great time! Here's a picture from our vacation... I managed not to gain any weight up until this vacation. Whether it was from over indulging in food or just the normal 12 growth spurt...I do not know!

And some pictures from our NT scan...

Had my 14 week appt on 3/7 at my OB. Which is always pretty uneventful. Just weight/blood pressure/heart beats. Listening to the heart beats is always exciting but I have a doppler at home so I am able to listen whenever I like :)
We had my 1st cervix check at MFM at 16 weeks on 3/19. We were told both babies were most likely....BOYS!!! But the tech wasn't 100% positive and we were looking forward to sharing the news before Easter. So we went for an elective ultrasound to find out the gender. It is in fact, 2 boys! We are so excited. I thought maybe Gia would be a tad disappointed not to have a little sister but she is just so excited and that makes me one happy Mama! Here is the picture we used to reveal their genders...

It was such a beautiful day until the moment we stepped foot outside with balloons. The wind started blowing, the balloons were getting tangled, a balloon popped on a branch...but it came out nicely and I was pleased with it.

10 WEEKS!

Yes Yes Yes! Sometimes I still cannot believe this is real. Something I thought would never happen...happened to me. I am so happy but at the same time I can't stop myself from thinking this is way too good to be true. I am trying to get over my fears but I don't think that is ever going to be possible. I can't wait to start knowing and believing in my head...I AM PREGNANT. I AM PREGNANT WITH TWINS. I guess time will give me the reassurance I am looking for.
Batman and Robin are taking over our fridge! Gia says to me "mom don't forget to put pictures of me up too". Awe my sweet precious girl. Will she ever really understand how much she means to me? My eyes are filling with tears as I write about her. She is so so so special to me. God, I hope she never feels pushed away. I pray I have the strength and energy to give her all of the attention that she needs and deserves from me once the twins are here.

And this week....I say GOOD BYE to my Sharps containers. PEACE OUT!

Tomorrow is our first OB appointment and we are SO excited! Pics to come...

9w2d

9w2d and feeling amazing! Today that is...Sunday through Tuesday was a different story as the whole household was sick! I am happy to report that I haven't had any more spotting! YIPEE!! What a relief. I have been having a terribly difficult time breathing. I had no idea this was pregnancy related but I looked it up and sure enough it's because my lungs are taking in extra oxygen for the fetuses. Also, I have been doing this weird hiccupy type thing. I googled it to see what it was all about. Totally wasn't expecting to find it related to pregnancy at all or for even anything to pop up understanding what I was describing. But yes, they are hiccups because I am breathing in an extra 30-40% more oxygen. So, there you have it. An explanation! It normally comes 2 times at a time. So, I think of it as each baby saying HI to me and the world :) I am doing good off of the PIO. I was worried that stopping may cause spotting but it didn't. Just waiting to see my amazing little babes again next Tuesday and our first OB visit! 5 days and 20 more hours!
This week we are the size of prunes

Graduate!

I graduated from my RE. I am going to miss it there and seeing my babies every week. Dr. Klein said I am welcome any time I want to come in and see them. That was sweet. I was kind of sad that I didn't get to say good bye to him in person and most importantly, THANK HIM. We were supposed to go in for our last monitoring today (Friday) but on Wednesday I spotted again and obviously was freaked out by it. I was able to rush into the NYC office for an u/s. I was relieved that Dr. Klein didn't perform the u/s though. He's great, but he rushes. Maybe it's because I go during monitoring hours and there are 25 women waiting in the waiting room after me. I got a very thourough u/s on Wednesday. She spent about 5 minutes on each of them. Robin was in the fetal position so it was hard to measure him. So he measured 8 weeks (I was 8w2d) and Batman measured 8w2d exactly. Batman's bmp were 182 and Robin's were 184. So proud of those little boogers! And the picture came out so much more clear. She printed a whole bunch and they were great pics. I thought they were for me but she kept them and gave me only 1. The actually looked like little babies in the ones she took. The one she gave me, she was just trying to get them both in the same picture so it's not as good. But I will post! Anyways, I was told to stop my progesterone (EEEKK!). And now we have 10 days and 18 hours until our first OB appt. So excited.

Joe suprised me and drew this picture on our kitchen chalk board. And he bought these bibs! Such a proud Daddy!

And I am having lots of fun and keeping busy with this gift I got from my BFF. I never thought I could have such a wonderful friendship and connection with someone I met on BBC. Thank you so much for these books. I cried when I opened the box and I am crying again thinking about it. Thank you. I love you!





8 weeks!

Batman & Robin are 8 weeks today! Phew, another milestone. 10 weeks will feel amazing and 12 weeks is going to feel fantastic.
We had an ultrasound on Friday at 7w4d. Dr. Klein freaked us out and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. He put the wand in and so quickly went from Batman to Robin and then back to Batman. He said "Okay, here's the deal...". I squeezed Joe's hand so tightly. I don't know how to read sonograms but he went so quickly that I figured it must've been something pretty obvious to speak so soon. Then he goes "Okay, nevermind". What?! Nevermind? Please, don't freak us out again. He said that he saw Robin's heart flickering right away but didn't see Batman's right away. Well TAKE YOUR TIME NEXT TIME. And don't open your mouth until you are sure of something. He later apologized for freaking us both out. He explained that sometimes there is a vanishing twin and was just looking for that. I was still uneasy even after he assured us both heartbeats were perfect. Batman was measuring right on track at 7w4d and Robin was a day ahead at 7w5d.
Today...
Today I used the restroom and when I wiped there was clear pinkish brown spotting on the toilet paper. No pregnant woman wants to see that. I know the babies are okay. I know this is normal. But still. I don't need any more worry to be added to the mix. So I chugged down a bottle of water so that I could get to the restroom quicker and see what the trip brought. Nothing. Phew. Nothing at all. Like I had imagined it. It still worries me and coupled with the freak out from the Dr... I am a little uneasy this week. We go back on Friday at 8w4d for our last visit with the RE. Our first OB appt is on Tuesday, February 5th at 10w1d. So I will have to make it 10 days without an ultrasound.

The top picture is their heart beats. Batman is on the top and Robin is on the left.
The bottom picture is their solo pics. Robin is the top picture and Batman is the bottom picture.

Oh, and I cannot wait to get an ultrasound picture from the OB. I feel like these pictures are so grainy. I want a good picture!

COUNTDOWN

3 days, 4 hours, 10 minutes, and 29 seconds until we see Batman & Robin again. We.Can't.Wait!

We shared our good news with our families on Friday. This is the shirt that we made for Gia to wear.

Incredible!

Wow what a crazy mix of emotions today has been and it's only 10am. Joe and I have been counting down the "sleeps" to get to today. We went to bed nice and early last night so that the morning would hurry up and get here. I think we were both so nervous and excited that our minds weren't all there. We left the house and were on our way to the doctors and as we were going over the bridge I said "oh no! We forgot my shot!". Yep, you'd think it'd be routine by now but somehow we forgot. So on top of the anxious and nervous feelings I was already having about the ultrasound, now I was panicking because I was worried I didn't have enough progesterone in me. That makes for one really upset stomach. Anyways, we walked in and the waiting room was packed. Jam packed. Like people were leaning against the walls. It moved quick though and I like to be a little later so that I don't feel like we have to rush through the ultrasound. Luckily they had some PIO there and Joe was able to give me my shot there. Phew...You had to see me preparing the injection. I was like a crack addict. I was feining for the progesterone I could not get it in me quick enough. Of course the doctor didn't know we were doing the injection so he comes in the room as I am leaned over the bed naked and Joe is behind me. Embarassing! Okay so now to the good stuff...we saw and HEARD both of their beautiful strong heartbeats! How amazing was that?? I am not sure if I am dreaming or not. When will this start to feel real? How did I get SO lucky? Seriously feeling overwhelmed with happiness and gratefulness. Both babies were "textbook" and he says everything looks great. He measured the first babies bpm and it was 139.53 but then he pressed the wrong button to zoom for us and messed up the machine so we couldn't count the beats per minute for the second baby but he said they sounded and looked the same on the wave monitor so they were probably the same. He also messed up the measurements and couldn't fix it so he didn't want to give us the picture with the wrong measurements. So he promised to spoil us with pictures next week! Another week to wait and countdown the sleeps. At least this week I will be much more relaxed. Here's a picture of one of the babes...

TEE DOUBLE YOU OH

Spells TWO! Twins. Or should I write TTWWIINNSS!! Joe and I have two beautiful miracles growing inside of me. I cannot believe this. This truly is nothing short of a miracle. We went this morning for our first ultrasound. I was totally fine in the day leading up to today. Not really anxious or worried. Just excited. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I was so nervous I literally felt my entire stomach moving around. I think I had to make a run for the bathroom twice before it was even 7am. As soon as he put the wand in place, I knew. I saw. I saw them right away. I couldn't believe it. I saw my babies. The doctor said he assumed it would be twins because of my levels but my levels were never really high. This is crazy. This is absolutely nuts. He warned us that just because we saw two doesn't mean we will be having twins. But you can't give me that and take it back so I am going to keep them both! Ha! Excuse me for being greedy but I want - no, I need these two babies. Joe and I have been referring to them as Batman and Robin. So I leave you with a picture of our superhero babies....

That's MY uterus!!!! Yeah!!!

Mommy & Daddy are ecstatic!!!

Tests, Tests, & more Tests!

BFP gallery!!! See normal women take ONE pregnancy test and chuck it in the garbage like a used tampon. Not us IVF girls. No way. If it was acceptable to frame and hang my pee test(S), I would. I wonder when I will be able to get rid of these beautiful tests. I know I cannot keep them forever so what is just as good?? Pictures!!

The first test 7dp3dt 12/20/2012

Freak out day... 8dp3dt

Got home took more tests...

10dp3dt (AFTER the call)

Later that night...



And the Mother Load...



Proven....

PREGNANT

That is right...I am pregnant. Pregnant, pregnant, PREGNANT. Can I say it again? Ok thank you...I'm pregnant!
I skipped Church yesterday because I was so nervous they would call while I was in there. Even though I wasn't expecting the call until 2pm. Thank goodness because they called at about 10:30 (right when Church gets out). I knew she was going to say I was pregnant so I don't know why I was so shocked and shaking as much as I was. I guess because that was confirmation. Hearing those words. Not just in my head but from another human beings mouth. I was trying to write down the beta number but I was shaking too much. Needless to say I wasn't able to get anything done yesterday for the first few hours after that. I could not focus and I couldn't wait for Joe to get home!
Some symptoms at this point were nightmares and very vivid dreams (although I always experience this on PIO). Hightened sense of smell. Charlie Horses! Which I alwayssss had when pregnant with Gia and only experience maybe 1 a year. I had it twice so I was beginning to wonder. Thirsty. Very very thirsty. But all of this is nothing that would've completely gave it away. At 5dt3dt I did feel something in my uterus. It was the most bizarre thing and it was kind of freaking me out. On the lower right side I felt burrowing. Exactly what you would expect implantation to feel like. I felt like a little mouse digging inside of me. It kind of tickled and was such crazy and exciting moment because I knew what was happening. 

One more thing.

Please please PLEASE don't let to world end tomorrow. My world is just beginning

Could it be?

You know when you wait for something for so long and you think it's never going to come...and then it comes and  you aren't sure how to react? That's what's going on. Is it real? Is it not real? Is this a joke? An evil trick? I've been down this road before so I have been robbed of letting my excitement show to its fullest extent.
Yesterday after work I went to the mall. I was in Express and I started to sweat. I couldn't get to the bathroom quick enough. Of course I got to the rest room and it was closed for cleaning so I had to scurry to another one. The whole time getting to the rest room (even though I was feeling like poo) I was smiling deep down because I was thinking to myself "oh my God, I am pregnant". I was violently ill in the bathroom. Then it dawned on me...I have the freaking stomach virus. A coworker had it on Monday and Tuesday but came in yesterday. I must have caught it because I was sick all night.
I woke up at 4:30 to use the bathroom and tested but didn't look at the test and placed it in the closet. I then tried to get back to sleep (with little success). Joe woke up at 5:30 and I told him I tested but I was scared to look at it and put it in the closet. I asked him to check it for me. He came back and said "I see 2 lines and I don't even have my contacts in yet". I got up and saw this...

It's crazy how a million things can run through your head in literally a split second. So for today, I am pregnant. Please let this be real. Please let me be pregnant for 37 more weeks. Please let us have a healthy baby. Please, please, please.

SNOW BABIES!

I still cannot believe it but Joe and I have TWO snow babies. I was told I would know on day 6 (which was yesterday) if any of the remaining embryos made it to freeze.  I originally did not want to know whether any made it or not until beta. I felt that if they didn't it would ruin any hope I had for this cycle. I didn't get a call yesterday so I figured no news=no embryos. Well, I was wrong. I went in for my progesterone check this morning and I asked the nurse that drew my blood (because the front desk ladies are meanies) if no call meant no news. She checked with another nurse who said she would check for me. She came out and said "you transferred 2 on day 3 and 2 made it to day 5 to freeze". I pointed at myself as if maybe she wasn't talking to me even though we were the only ones in the hall together. I started to tear up immediately. She said "congratulations, they're really good ones too". Me? Frosties? Good? Crying as I think about it... My embryos have never gotten that far before. I am so proud to call them MY snow babies! Or, I guess OUR snow babies. I am trying to keep myself from being overly curious about them and asking about their grades. I figure they have to be rockstars to be able to freeze because those standards are normally pretty high at most places. I am over the moon right now and if this cycle fails, I have something wonderful to look forward to. I am confident that if our baby(ies) aren't implanting right now, they are among those in the freezer. I briefly wanted to kick myself in the butt for not waiting until day 5 to transfer but I have to trust that I made the right decision to do a 3 day transfer based on my past cycles. I hope at least one of the ones they chose to transfer was just as good. We will wait and see. In the mean time, I am dreaming about my snow angels :)

I'm pregnant.

Yesterday I became pregnant. Today I am pregnant as well. Being that with all my IVF's my embryos crap out on day 4...I may or may not still be pregnant tomorrow. My only hope is that they can thrive better in my uterus. I keep looking at and feeling my belly. I am so obsessed. You never would know that I've been through this so many times before. Because this is really only the 2nd 2ww that I was given hope. The first IVF I had such high hopes because I was a beginner. The 2nd IVF the blast they transferred was such poor quality that I knew it was over before it was even transferred. The 3rd IVF I was robbed of my 2ww. So right now I feel every emotion across the board. From gitty and excited to scared and nervous. We got a picture yesterday of the embryos they transferred. I am happy to have them but at the same time I have been analyzing and obsessing over them non stop. I don't think this is healthy for me to be doing. The Doc described them as "textbook" embryos. Well, my last RE described my embryo on day 3 as "textbook" too and guess what...I had nothing to transfer 2 days later. So, I take that compliment with a grain of salt.
Here are my babies. I think they kind of look like me :)

I can't help but think they both look completely different.

I'm much better today but yesterday I was feeling extremely stressed and irritable. I was also feeling super senstive. The progesterone is making me a sucker. I got well wishes from a couple of friends yesterday that truly brightened my day and made me smile (and cry). So thank you JuneBugs. I miss you and I'm happy you're still routing for me <3.

Beta...12/24/2012....

PIO

In other news, I had to do my PIO myself this morning. I am so proud of myself when I do it alone. I was so excited!

Tomorrow's transfer day

Okay so I haven't had time to update because all this landed on the weekend. Friday I went in to see Dr. K and he said everything looked good and we were probably set for a Tuesday transfer. But he said we have to watch me closely and I will have to go into the NYC office Saturday and Sunday. I went in Saturday and he said everything looked great and I'd probably trigger tomorrow (Sunday). But then my estrogen level came back and they all of a sudden decided to tell me to trigger that night (Saturday). I was a little worried and nervous that all of my eggs may not be mature. The doc left my u/s pic up on the monitor so I decided to snap a picture. I thought it was cool since it's the most I've ever seen for myself on a scan.

So I triggered at 11pm on Saturday. I was able to do the Ovidrel in my tummy which was way cool. I usually do them IM and I hate those. So I go back into the city on Sunday (which by the way I found parking on the street both days! wahoo!) and I had an u/s and blood work. This time I actually asked the doc to county my follies. She counted 11 on the left and 7 on the right.

On Sunday I went with my BFF to go wedding dress/bridesmaid dress shopping. One of the bridesmaids says she needs the dress to be flowy because she plans on getting pregnant soon and she will be about 8 months pregnant for the wedding then. Well, let me just say it now in writing...mark my words...if I am not pregnant for this wedding and she is already 8 months along, I will jump off a bridge. Okay, maybe not jump off a bridge but would I be able to call out sick from my best friends wedding at least? Let's hope this doesn't happen. Anyways, the lady brought out a belly pillow to try on under the dress. I got to snap a picture of myself with the belly on. Every time I look at this picture my eyes tear up. I can't wait for this. I hope this is closer than I feel like it is.

Anyways, I had my retrieval on Monday morning at 11am. We were not so lucky to find parking on the street and had to pay $60 for 2 hours. My experience was so different from the last clinic. Not that the last one was bad. It's just that this place was so quick. I was really in and out. Super quickly. I felt much more crampy this time around but probably because I had much more eggs. They got 23 eggs. I was shocked to hear this. I couldn't wait for my fert report. I was expecting at least 15 but we only got 12. They say that's good but that's only 3 more than last time and last time all 9 arrested. Please, God, please let there be a good one in this batch. And please let that one be chosen to be transfered tomorrow. We are doing a 3dt and I'm very nervous. I need lots of luck.

Recap

Just making a note (since I forget everything) of my previous cycles...
IVF #1 Long Lupron Protocol 8r/5f
IVF #2 Antagonist Protocol don't remember!
IVF #3 Micro Dose Lupron Protocol 12r/8f
IVF #4 Long Lupron Protocol 23r/12f

Good.To.Go.

Oh hell yeah. I can start my stims tomorrow morning. YESSSSS! Let's do this!

No go...

Why on Earth would I think I would be able to start an IVF cycle without a delay? Silly me. I should know by now that nothing goes as planned in this process. I thought I had tougher skin by now but I actually cried about it. I know, I am a big baby. A glass of wine helped. This is just so stupid. The whole thing. (Yes, I am whining. I am allowed too.) I was told to come in on Friday and by then my progesterone should be down. Well, Jackee doesn't want to wait until Friday. So, I asked if I can come in on Thursday. Ha! I am temping in the mean time and as soon as I see my temp go below 98, I will know I am good to go. This morning it was 98.45. I hate temping because it makes me so anxious. All I think is "hurry up and get to bed so I can see what my next temp will be". And I'd always hope for a higher temp. Now, I so desperately want it to be LOWER. Funny how things work...and I always had a crap ass short luteal phase of 9 days. Now for some reason it decides to be longer? Really? STUPID!

IVF #4 Long Lupron Protocol

11/12/2012- start BCP
11/14/2012- add 10 units of Lupron
11/19/2012- Laparascopy (all clear)
11/20/2012- BW (ovulated through the BCP & Lupron-delay 2 days) NO more BCP. Just Lupron.
11/26/2012- BW & US start stims Progesterone too high (5) delayed until Thursday
11/29/2012- BW & US Progesterone 0.4, E2 20.4, decrease Lupron to 5 units/night
11/30/2012- START STIMS! GonalF 225 AM & 225 PM. Continue 5 units Lupron/night
12/1/2012- 225 am & 225 pm & 5 Lupron
12/2/2012- 225 am & 225 pm & 5 Lupron
12/3/2012- 1st monitoring appt. E2 359. Lots of follies! Same doses
12/4/2012- 225 am & 225 pm & 5 Lupron
12/5/2012- 2nd monitoring appt. E2 754. RE dropping my dose...
12/6/2012- 150 GonalF am & 225 GonalF pm
12/7/2012- 3rd monitoring appt. E2 1619.
12/8/2012- 4th monitoring appt. E2 3483. TRIGGER 11pm Ovidrel
12/9/2012- 5th monitoring appt. E2 4144. start dostinex to prevent OHSS
12/10/2012- Egg Retrieval. 23 eggs retrieved
12/11/2012- Start PIO. Fert report- 12 fertilized normally.
12/13/2012- Embryo Transfer. Transferred 2 BEAUTIFUL 8-cell embryos
12/17/2012- Progesterone check= <40! Excellent. Got the good news that we have TWO snow babies!
12/20/2012- First positive HPT
12/23/2012- 10dp3dt HCG 137 (WAHOOOOO)
12/26/2012- 13dp3dt HCG 448 (16dpo)
01/03/2013- 1st u/s BOTH IMPLANTED! 5w3d 21dp3dt HCG 9,789
01/11/2013- 2nd u/s BOTH HEARTBEATS 139! 6w4d HCG 50,000 drop PIO to EOD
01/18/2013- 3rd u/s Batman & Robin look great! 7w4d. Batman=7w4d Robin=7w5d HCG 162,959
01/21/2013- spotting
01/23/2013- spotting again. Moved u/s up. 4th u/s 8w2d. Batman & Robin look great! BPM 182 & 184
                     HCG 190,005. Released from RE! Stop PIO
01/30/2013- 9w2d found one heartbeat on doppler!
01/31/2013- 9w3d found both precious beautiful heartbeats on doppler!
02/05/2013- 1st OB appt!